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Monday, August 6, 2007

Loosing Toothirginity


Hello Doctor,

My son is 8 yrs old and he still has not lost his first baby tooth. While all his friends have lost at least one , he is still going strong, there is not even a visible shake in any one of them. Should we resort to forcibly removing them, Iam scared for my son doctor.. will he be able to lead a normal life?
Yours Faithfully
Worried Parent

If anyone had come across the "Ask the Doctor" section in the "Aarogyamasika" a health publication in the early 90s then this worried guy wud ve probably been my father.
Everything was happening late to me. It appeared that not only the tooth fairy , but all the archangels responsible for bringing forth the boon of adolescence had totally deserted me.
As a proof of the graveness of my most pathetic state I can reveal one of my deep dungeon secrets now (I dint know anything about s## until i passed my tenth. I guess some of my friends must ve practiced that art form by then)

So such a loser I was , still digging my nose while the biggies in the class discussed about girls and hot aunties until one fine day my dear friend paul MS unleashed his fury on my deciduous duo.



Paul MS was the most energetic guy at the same time the most pathetic student of the class. Teachers abhorred him, girls feared him, and i hated his skin, skin with red rashes and blisters emanating soapy liquid when he scratched them with his long nails.

Bestowed with a degree in his name since his birth he knew how i hated his spores and would casually douse his finger with the shit that he squirted from his blisters and would chase me around the class threatening to smear my face with the same (pretty awkward...i used to run... i cudve turned around and spat at him )

So one day we were on our routine run, Paul MS pointing all the 5 fingers at me. My mission motto as always it has been was to keep him away until the class teacher came in.

I had almost succeeded and was running towards "freedom from chalam" over the wooden desks when the sadist in PaulMS uprooted the desk.
My knee poked into my face and my primaries were gone. not one but both. shattered and rocketed in 2 different directions.
I could feel my breath passing freely through the newly created crater in my mouth.

The teacher came in , caned paul for causing the bloodbath, I guess the class leader also got one for failure of action.



Paul was assigned with the benign task of finding my lost teeth because the teacher believed that scattered teeth are dangerous.
Paul crawled beneath the benches,scuffled through the bags until one was found in one of the open pencil boxes. But the other was never found :(

Paul swore not to use his pus weaponry again while my happy father welcomed a soul with a hole in the evening.

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