Twenty Twenty Padayappa

When my telescreen failed to light up yesterday evening, i ran around for a big chunk of today creating havoc just to get it repaired in right time to watch the blue green war

but after squandering 4 hours of my self imposed feline hibernation i feel i could have better watched one of rajnikanth movies wherein he and his cronies wage a plethora of war tactics against uniform clad villains to save .....well the producer, the advantage being that i could have seen a shirtless beauty in the end instead of an ogre-ified M.S. Dhoni.(Thank you for shaving it by the way, avoided an eyesour, things for sourav ganguly to learn).

Well, the whole thing was simply so predictable..... like padayappa :). I can give u these strong reasons for Why India had to win today.

1. I had repaired my TV in half a day by paying 100 rs extra to the servicing guy (tea n snacks additional) just to watch this match.

2. For the multitudes of crores flown into the eleven pockets, plus ofcourse the old man's

3. For the wives and the children and friends of the 24 bookies who had to spend the night in a cell without tv and ofcourse mobile phones

4.Dhoni had to take his shirt off to prove that there are Indian captains with less hairy bodies

5. Sreesanth had to end whatever he started with his right hand , with his left hand but he ended up using both his hands for it
(Note: tissue prone westerners would find it difficult to understand the pun intended.
"Starting with your right hand and ending with your left is a metaphor in use among balti using population")

6. Shahrukh khan was in the stands strewing away kisses.

7.Yuvraj singh and joginder singh had to do that embarassing kamasutra (Find some pleasure discovering the same here) pose on the ground.(Sreesanth's "F**K YOU" comes next in the list)

Well mezbah seemed to be turning kabab mein haddi for some time forgetting that the villains(green goblins) are supposed to be the losers and he is not supposed to punch rajnikanth, only take the punches and turn prostrate. Thanks to his bookie friend who reminded him the rules just before the last over.
However ponnambalam afridi did justice to his role and was knocked out instantly, even before the punch was thrown(sigh... punch gone wasted)

But cant say the whole affair had lost that stint of tera mera, quoting shoaib malik "Thanks to all pakistanis..(pause)... not only pakistanis but to other muslims of the world"

Well i would like to log off for the day with a simple syllogism

provided shahrukh khan looked a lot like MJ today



He should have had a very nice time hugging some overgrown boys out there in the field ;)

Russian Dreams of smart prez

A single day and Russia all the way and u can do nothing but look at this epitome of anti capitalism, the cradle of the greatest dictator and covered up genocides in awe and admiration, well keeping aside the facts.

All in twenty four hours,

The dissolution of government

Scaring the F**ts out of uncle SAM with the FOAB

and the National conception day ...

Well the russian bioscope to the world is always packed with surprises, but this time it would have been a "" for a life time for the proletariat.

Declare a national holiday for baby production and explode a bomb while all the men are doing their duties sincerely at their homes.. Picturise the dementyevs,vladimirs and kruschevs thrown out of their beds and crouching in a corner with a quivering "U know what" :)
The sheer shock itself would have killed half of the supposed to be born patriots.
Maybe this is what putin called babies with a bang.

Putin may or may not be tried for perpetrating purposeful foetal homicide.However the Father of All Bombs stands out to be the sole father of the day.

Making an Indian wonder wherefrom his compatriots find so much of time to reproduce. and eventually transform his country into
A place where life is a sexually transmitted disease.

Even a thousand FOABs are not going to thwart the SQs of my countrymen. Go Bharat Go.


FootNote: I say peter jackson was struck by the idea of gollum after this man... any refutations?

Retro

Its Onam holidaze again and iam wasting away the third day of the "four days of inactivity" bestowed upon me by my caring employer.
Having ensured my share of the feast at my Grandmother's place this afternoon the malayali in me is restless to scribble something about the legacy today. Confused about which role to don... Historian, Philosopher , naturalist or a cultural anthropologist.
Historian Deepu would be an oxymoron, iam not even well updated about the history of my family, one reason i hate family functions where i put up a pseudo smile looking bluntly at those strangers who r my supposed to be relatives trying desperately to remind me of the hours i spent with them :)

Accept my apologies dear Mrs.prema,rani,suma (They were my histroy teachers in high school) and any reader who knows more than Onam, CPI and karunakaran about kerala.

This secluded land of greenery protected by the western ghats in the east and the arabian sea on the west, formed from the silt brought down from the ghats by west flowing rivers.
Boasts of culture of its own entirely uninfluenced by any others in the country, the abode of black gold and spices, which found its mention in writings of al beruni and the chinese during the aryanization. Maybe the first kingdom in the country to practice foreign trade and fully flourishing sea ports
divided into venad, konad, kolathunad and thiruvithamkode and ambiguously named after CHERANAD or the KERAVRIKSHAM , fed by the south west monsoon which brings with it the festival of flowers every year for morons like me to sit at home and blog nonsense.

I love my state :)

Bovine Consecration... Err.

When a temple and numerous believers staged a standoff with the Wales Government, not only did it make headlines back in the country thirsty for controversies but also got splendid support from the e - world.



The scandevala website even featured live footage of the animal resting, pissing and chewing the cud.

But all this backed by a religious belief and not a humane cause.

Why in the world should a desecration come into picture, the "holy cow" as it is eulogized but never been interpreted the way it has to be.

My knowledge about the bovine consecration stems from the fact that the cow had never been mentioned as sacred , but in the Rg veda which says "Cow should not be killed"
The archives from an age when cow was used as a currency, cow was the economy, cow was the wealth. So killing one would basically mean destruction of wealth.
So does it go for eating the meat.Because it cant be eaten without killing it.

The problem is that we don't change. That is in effect right from the case of the archives of hymns that haven't changed for almost 3000 years and people tend to be ignorant of the fact that they were not protocols but eulogies and 'make life better' codes.

Half of the controversies in here arise from the ignorance of the fact that "Change is one thing that doesn't change".

Conclusion: One who kills the cow is an ahindu , so is the one who tears a 100 rupee note :)

Chak Diya? Check Again.....

This is one reason why I love the onam season in Kerala... The whole ambiance blows in some divinity in ur employer so that the management resorts to give away some utsav perks to its employees. So did it happen this year too and it was a sponsored show of the film Chak De India for its heavily e-patriotic employees.

The film almost made down to my expectations of a direct pluck and paste collage from a fistful of successful hollywood sports flicks with some routine CHOPRA masala thrown in but the work with the camera during the game sequences demands a standing ovation.

A review would be an idiotic thing to do here because there are guys with better stuff out there (No ..not Rajeev Masand in case you thought so) who can do a much better job.
So I would list downs some instances in the movie when I whole Heartedly Booed with the rest of the crowd.

1. Coach Khan wid ammi leaves India Rolling a scooter, maybe the local petrol wala refused to give him petrol, or his tyres were flattened because he was GADDAR.... hmmm.. emotional turbidity. (pardonable)

2.Emotional Breakdown of Mr.Khan on India winning the World Cup. Pathetic.... he whimpers and winces relying on facial contortions, think about Denzel Washington or sean penn enacting the same, you will feel the difference.(Unpardonable)

3.Khan returning to India wid ammi to mohalla still ROLLING the same scooter(bright and shiny as ever... good servicing eh),(The tyres were OK this time, so it should be the petrol). While a kid strikes out the word GADDAR written on the wall.....and after which, believe me it looked like the word BANDAR.
Its a wonder how a few crisscrosses can change a word... smirk. (Unpardonable)

4.When abhimanyu singh proposes preeti sabharwal on his knees in front of the press when she much emphatically rejects it. Truly out of place , cramped in , unnecessary situation.I wonder what made the director do this. Obviously even a "SAAS BHI" fan would reject that scene.(Unpardonable)

However , the Komal Chautala penalty shot and the background score during the games (Except the one when the girls were trailing to the mens team by 3-2) deserves an applause.

MRI- Most Revered Indian

Knowing all the farce that this sport is , yet it seems to be entertaining for some of us, like the looney tunes, muscular guys but potato heads who loose a match by climbing upside down from the ring while his opponent lands on his feet. The gimmicks , the abuse and the hype and some really pathetic acting and expressions mostly by the "all time loser"(atleast in the ring) chairman himself until I watched this.




The phirangis in saree performing Bhangra looks quite disgusting ,looking more like a tribal pagan ritual.
The sensible ones in the audience ring start to boo right from the second minute. As the acromegalized "most revered Indian" appears garlanded and booed accompanied by a thumbzilla.

After he fetches the microphone he talks wats supposed to be Hindi.

The first 10 seconds (precisely from 3:30) its like the rumble of a truck, or like he is gargling hot water, only the word Punjab pops out a bit clearly.

"Koi mere ko na hara saka, koi na harayega, main sabko zor zor se maaroonga"... he mumbles like a kid which the thumbzilla translates as "Khali said that he is the first and only champion from India"

The real shock was yet to come at 5:38, "Indians revere him like Mahatma Gandhi" where I wasn't laughing anymore.
The guy in the white coat is a truly ashamed Indian now. Look at his expression at 5:40.

Also look out for the comments

"Khali has liberated India,, the land of a billion people"

"What a handsome man khali is?" (Indian perspective of beauty highlighted....!!! )

Did the federation downsize the the nation's history?? well maybe another controversy in waiting

But I had a good laugh.... I pity u giant.

Mysore Blues

I always wanted to look a bit more excited than my peers when it came to sightseeing, and this one was special, here I was in a place which was pretty much the cradle of south India's resistance to british domination and which witnessed Tipu's rockets taking the british by surprise.
So I was a south Indian among a group of Northies with a pretty much pride swollen heart relishing every moment I spend in this relic a dominion of age old intelligence and valor.

So we were a part of a six month program that would metamorphosise the lax,care free college brat in me into a bread winning professional, I guess that didn't work out with me quite well. Well that would be dealt with in another gibberish.

We snitched out some time during the tight schedule and worked out a plan for a city sojourn. Myself enjoying an advantage of being in the place earlier and holding a Know_All nameplate (be it the local dialect or the alley ways , I had this terrible capacity to make people believe that I was the missing link between them and the vox populi )

The number 13 rickety bus dropped us at the city center , and we alighted with a detailed plan to visit five key points and be back the same spot in four hours.

The punjabis and marathis left each of them treasuring My mobile number t o SOS into if they got in trouble with the routes. Little did they know that their supposed to be savior himself was carrying a bunch of mobile numbers of local guys and his dad back home in case he gets lost. I never told them..... The chics should find at least something appealing about me .

Of course quite unnaturally we all made it back to the city center at almost 6.
First timers were exulting and trying to extract useful information from what the tourist guide had told them in his broken angrezi.
We still had ten minutes of wait time for the bus , so couple of us decided to venture into an adjacent savepuri stall.
Smelling around the stall I felt this urgent call in my groins which reminded me that I had not had a leak the whole day. Looking around I couldn't find a place without at least three guys. People everywhere... looking at you suspiciously... this is one time when I badly wished i had been in a desert.
Turning around I asked the stall wala for an available restroom nearby. He directed me to the barren land on the other side of the bus stand (if i had to go for that, I could have very well done it in front of his shop ), I insisted for a public loo when with a grimace he directed me to one corner of the stand.

It was getting dark and my visual senses started to get de-powered, relying on my olfactory senses I ventured to smell out the restroom (Luckily in My country it is quite easy).
My nose led me down a dark alley with considerable hustle at the end of it, a dimly lit room of the size of an aidpost bustling with people, mostly old.

I wondered what they were doing in such a place other than ,you know.. doing their waterworks.
They were simply hanging about, watching every new comer with a welcome smile.
I talked to my conscience, "Maybe a bunch of nostalgic guys, had been peeing in here for years and now had been quite obsessed with the smell and place", (I have a friend who thinks it is nostalgic to watch jurassic park)

I placed myself in one corner and started to have that leak i had been longing for, when a visibly stout man, pot bellied , in a decent attire anchored just beside me whispered "BEAUTIFUL"...
I looked at him, a black skinned sweaty figure, he had a cut on his nose like most of the boxers have and he was smiling, I smiled back, maybe a greeting or a vague complement.. i thought, but for what? and beautiful??? what in the world should that mean?

I was almost half way through when he hissed again...beautiful.....What the? I looked up at him, but he was not looking at me, He was looking at my " ". Whoa.... this guy is gay, so are the other guys in here, the old man started to walk towards us spread eagled , a nepali whacker popped his head out the adjacent slab with blood shot eyes.

I was becoming an instant celebrity... a celebrity in a fixation, My body was above my mind now,I was into something that my brain had no control on(waterworks still going strong),
Should I push them off? If so am I risking their enragement.
Should I turn around and piss at them? what if it didn't work? Then iam in the most vulnerable position.
I guess the old man, the stalwart of the gay lot was morally responsible for preying first while the minuend gays waited. I summed up the courage to hit him, luckily my leak dried up as soon as he lay his hands on me. In a jiffy I pushed him hard on his right shoulder and took to my heels, I could hear the laughs rocking the room and the alleyway which my feet left behind.
Were they laughing at the incapability of the old man or was it at me or was the whole thing a farce, a prank of some terribly bored sexagenarians... I am still not sure.

But that night , my salvation came at the price of me boarding the bus in the nick of time with an open fly , among howling friends.